A lesson in empathy

December. How did that happen? When I first started this blog I loved it, it was a great outlet for me as most of my day revolves around everyone else, this was time just for me. To think, write, rewrite and work my way through the emotions of my day, good and bad. So you're probably wondering why its been 5 months since i've made a post..well this summer Evan and I switched roles and I found a beautiful salon to work in:) We like to call it a lesson in empathy. It has definatlely been an adventure and lets just say we are all still adjusting.

Evan wanted to take some time to get a few things going that he has been feeling really passionate about ( running and a home based business) and I wanted the chance to work as many hours as needed to build a business here in Fredericton. This would not be easy for either of as we didn't know anyone here but my father, so building a long lasting career in hairstyling would not be easy and we all know that building a business from home while tending five boys and all the responsibilities that goes with them is a huge challenge.

I'm not proud to admit that I have always been really easy on the boys as I always just wanted everyone to be happy. I'm not very good with confrontation, so many times I give in or try to make things easy for the boys so the house seemed more peaceful. But the reality of this is when faced with me not being here to always defend them or take up their slack it became apparent that maybe I had spoiled them. Not with money or belongings but by not making them accountable for their own actions and responsibilities. It was always easier to do the extra and hold on to what peace I could. Living in a household with seven people is not an easy task. Everyone has their own problems, opinions, tastes, bad days, sick days or even just plain "I need my space" days, so to keep the peace is a huge responsibility to take on. I have always felt a tad overwhelmed. Honestly I can't imagine why Evan would want to take that on, but he has! And he is putting in his best effort on a daily basis (As with everything else he does). I'm sure there will always be things we do differently but the well being of our boys is our common ground and we both do the best we can.

Angel

In the Caravan on our way home from my mother's house with a load of tired and cranky boys! We had a wonderful weekend with family and friends. It was so much fun but the boys hit the point tonight where we knew it was time to head home. Actually it was right after I spyed my mother's husband heading to the garage with a bottle of wine!! I know exactly how he feels..lol 

This morning my 3 stepsisters came to plant something new on their mother's grave. Ten years ago yesterday they lost their angel and every year without fail they go with their dad and plant something new. Beautiful really, today I was asked to come along. I stood back and watched as they carefully washed her stone, rearranged things others have left and started digging a new hole for a beautiful bush we bought on the way. They hudled around for a few minutes very quietly then each one of them kissed their hands and placed them carefully on her head stone. Very touching to see them holding close to each other..each one still grieving but living their lives the best they can, wishing every day she was here to see their children or just sit and listen to their everyday problems. 

How many times do we take this for granted, never taking the time to see all the things our mothers do for us each day. Even when it just means you can pick up the phone and have a quick chat or talk over the things you did that week, we are blessed and I hope my mom knows that I am so thankful she is here to hug and say I love you! 

I know its not Mother's Day but take a few minutes and let your mother know how you feel, make sure it doesn't go unspoken.

I love you girls, you are an amazing inspiration!

Bitter sweet

I thought it was time to dust off the keyboard and take a few minutes to write about the events of the last week. I found this week to be so very bitter sweet as though my heart was pulled in two totally different directions.

Evan and I started off the week celebrating Canada Day with our boys and then packed up Tuesday and took a mini vacation for our 14th anniversary. It was wonderful to take a step away from everyday life and enjoy each other. We had lots of laughs and were able to really relax and have a wonderful time. Wednesday night we had the opportunity to watch Phish (which is one of our favorite bands) and reconnect with some old friends:) Another great night! So these were the sweet moments of our week..but like I said there were some bitter.

Wednesday we said goodbye to Admiral Fish Farms, a family company that has meant so much to us.  Over the last 17 years I have watched so many family members pour their heart and souls out to make it work. My Father Glen and his brother Bill had a vision of providing reliable jobs for a community where jobs are hard to come by. They employed many members of my family including myself at one point, both my sisters, cousins, friends and many others. My husband Evan has also been an employee for the past 9 years. So you can start to imagine the impact this news has made on everyone involved. Change is never an easy thing, but it is a part of life and I know that Dad and Bill can be at peace with knowing that our time with Admiral changed our lives in so many positive ways. I know I'm not speaking for myself when I say that it provided us all with countless opportunities that we would not have had other wise!

Thank you Admiral for many, many great years:)

Amazing Love

Anyone who knows me well knows I hate shopping! We have had so many rainy days lately that just to get out of the house we decided to go to the mall for an outing, big mistake on our part! We want to teach our kids that "things" won't make them happy but advertisers are not on our side. Every 2 minutes I heard "can we have a treat". Thank you Walmart for your end of the isle treats!! The truth is it is not their fault, everywhere kids look now they are being targeted. I think this is sad, are we supposed to have to live in the woods to teach our children that a treat is not an everyday occurance. So you leave the mall after standing your ground as a responsible parent and listen to your kids cry all the way home, not fair!

I've often asked my grandmother (who was a mother of seven) how she handled shopping, and she always replied "we didn't, shopping was not a family outing". They didn't even have a family car for years. Shopping was a necessity that was only done when groceries were needed. My grandmother the kind of women who got up at 4am to cook a full breakfast for her husband before he went fishing. This was the beginning of what I imagine was a very long day. This was a time when the kids played outside gladly as it meant they didn't have to partake in the daily chores Grammy was faced with in order to make sure supper was on the table and there was clean beds to sleep in at night. All this without the modern day conveniences of washers and dryers and my favourite, the dishwasher. I can't imagine how all of that was possible!

Her boys all slept in one room while the girls shared another, now our kids think it is hard to share a bedroom with a sibling let alone sleeping 2 or 3 to a bed. I always wonder, what has made us so greedy? Why is it so hard to imagine a life where you weren't the center of attention?

We have too much!

There is a family from India who live next door to us here at our new residence. They are a family of three, she is due to have a baby any day now! Her husbands family came last week to visit, I asked if they would be here until the baby came and she replied " they are staying for six months". Can you imagine a culture where people are that loving, making sure that the new baby and mommy had lots of help and care during this time. This is a family who has never seen processed foods or cable tv. They only care about taking care of each other and helping in any way they can. I have really enjoyed getting to know them, even though the inlaws speak no english, every time my youngest Warrin sees them he runs and hugs the grammy tight! This is the sweetest thing to me:) He can sense her love despite the language barrier.

AMAZING!!

Teamwork

Yesterday was such a busy day that cleaning wasn't on anyones agenda. Everyone was busy with their new sketch pads and accessories, Hardin and I went to the movies as an end of school celebration ( He missed ours last week), quick supper then off to mall for a little browsing. We found ourselves at an art supply shop looking for modeling clay, Joshua had a little money left and his creative mind was a rolling!

Needless to say when we got up this morning the house looked as though a tornado passed through, So I set the timer for 20  minutes and the boys set off to do as many chores as possible in that amount of time...I couldn't believe it, in 20 min my days chores were basically done!! It made me think again about the importance of teamwork, and how much we can accomplish together as opposed to trying to tackle these things on our own. The look of pride on each of their faces when that timer went off was amazing!! I love to see those smiles:)

Maybe we don't let our children help us enough, maybe they are capable of so much more than we give them credit for...maybe just maybe they aren't as "lazy" as we all think they are! In fact I believe they are actually bursting with excitement to help, they just have no sense of direction at their young ages. They need a LEADER not a boss!! I challenge you to be that leader, teach your children the importance of teamwork and how great it feels to accomplish goals together! This could be life changing for you and you kids! 

The Gimmies

Have you ever noticed how when your kids have their own money they are very reluctant to spend it? I find this very interesting. Maybe we don't give our children the chance to manage money enough on their own. Over the past few years Evan and I have given our boys allowances for doing their chores, but not really on a regular basis. This I believe is a MISTAKE!  Every time we do this regularly we start to notice that they start to really consider what is important and what can wait. Funny how this happens so naturally when it is "your" money to spend. Today we gave out allowances and then went shopping, two of our boys decided to buy supplies for drawing ( which has become a favorite past time in the house) and one of our boys (Frankie) decided he really wanted to save his money! Both of these choices excited me, as much as I love to see the boys save their money I also really enjoy watching them doing things they love (other than playing games on their ipods, which is a whole other blog).

So, Give your kids some credit!! We always think they have the "gimmies" but if given the chance they may choose something you would never expect:)

All Jumbled Up

Do you ever have days where you can't finish a thought, or even a part of a thought?? Today was one of those days for me. I think mostly I am still adjusting to having all FIVE boys home for summer vacation.  Although one of them is visiting for the week with my Grandmother, it was crazy busy!! Building forts, playing two square, haircut (for me which I managed to sneak away for), nap for Warrin, supper, then off to Kilarney Lake for a run! I wonder sometimes how we, as parents manage all of this successfully, but we do, and we love every minute of it! 

Next week is mine and Evan's 14th anniversary and we are taking a two night mini vacation:) This is how we do it, we take time to sneak away and enjoy each other. Mostly we find ourselves talking about the kids and all the things we hope to accomplish but still it's time to breath and regroup. One thing I have learned over these past 14 years is that you can't wait until your children grow up to make time for your relationship, this is a huge mistake made by many moms and dads. The truth is there will be no "later" if you don't pay attention now! When your children grow up ( which believe it or not they will) and move away, your husband will still be there by your side. So I guess what I'm trying to say is pay attention to your marriage, and take advantage of those few quiet minutes to say I love you! 

Well I'm off to put my little ones to bed and spend some time with my hubby!!